Week 5 Power Rankings: Buncha Chumps Fantasy Football League

Year three of the annual Buncha Chumps Fantasy Football League is off to a great start through four weeks. Giants have fallen, legends have risen and stories have been written. Who will be crowned King of the Chumps?

**Below are the updated power rankings going into week five. Each team is given a rank based on how many points they’ve scored, how many points they’ve allowed and their total record. There will also be an NFL team comp that best represents how that team has played so far, as well as each team’s playoff chances according to ESPN Fantasy.

12. Minecraft Steves (1–3)

NFL Comp: Las Vegas Raiders | Playoff Chances: 32%

After what seemed to be a solid draft, the Minecraft Steves have failed to craft a winning season thus far. Both Alvin Kamara and David Montgomery are struggling with injuries, leaving team manager Connor Quinn in a pickle (or pickaxe?). Luckily, the Steves have been carried by Stefon Diggs — who has 96.9 points in just four weeks — but as the season pushes forward, Quinn and his team need another diamond to emerge from the rough.

11. Meat Beatus (1–3)

NFL Comp: Washington Commanders | Playoff Chances: 29%

Through four games, Meat Beatus are being beaten in all the wrong ways. Underwhelming performances from Derrick Henry, Justin Herbert and Darnell Mooney have defined the season so far for team manager Brayden Nazarian. If it weren’t for waiver wire steals in Curtis Samuel and Gerald Everett, this team would be dragging behind the rest. Luckily, they have a lot of depth, so maybe things turn around for the 2020 league champion. That seems to be a bit of a longshot, though, as there may be no meat left to beat come playoff time.

10. The Pittsburgh Atticus Finches (1–3)

NFL Comp: Pittsburgh Steelers | Playoff Chances: 26%

It’s a wonder why the Pittsburgh Atticus Finches aren’t higher in the standings so far. Sure, they may be heavy on Steelers players, but Team manager Landon Pringle assembled a great group in the draft. They just haven’t performed to his standards. It also doesn’t help that the Finches have the second-most points scored against them through four games. As long as both Davante Adams and Mark Andrews continue to ball out, Pringle and his team will be a force to be reckoned with, even if they’re lower in the standings.

9. The Comeback Kids (1–3)

NFL Comp: Detroit Lions | Playoff Chances: 29%

Despite having the second-most points in the Legends Division, The Comeback Kids have allowed a league-high 548.3 points in four games. That’s been the story for team manager Sam Kressman thus far. Saquon Barkley is leading the way for Kressman and the Kids, but the rest of the team just isn’t executing. Luckily, Kressman’s investment in Michael Thomas is paying off, helping keep this team above the bottom feeders. Once DeAndre Hopkins returns from his suspension in a few weeks, The Comeback Kids might have the best chance to come all the way back.

8. The Cummy Boyz (2–2)

NFL Comp: Cincinnati Bengals | Playoff Chances: 42%

Heading into the season, The Cummy Boyz had one of the horniest rosters in the league. So far, Lamar Jackson is on pace for another MVP season, which is good news for team manager Reed Goldstein. However, no one else has stepped up for the Boyz. First-overall pick Jonathan Taylor has struggled through four games and now Javonte Williams is out for the year. With no other capable running backs, Goldstein will have to play the waiver wire game to keep his squad in the mix.

7. Green Ghouls (2–2)

NFL Comp: New York Giants | Playoff Chances: 31%

The Green Ghouls have been a mystery through four games. Team manager Zack Schoone went all out with the seventh pick in the draft and built a scary-good roster, including Dalvin Cook, AJ Brown, Mike Williams and both of the lead running backs in Detroit. How is this team not top five? Oh yeah, Marcus Mariota is starting at quarterback. Schoone’s QB1 is only putting up 13.2 points per game on average, drastically limiting his team’s potential. If Mariota figures it out, the Ghouls could spook the competition down the stretch.

6. Team Ligma (2–2)

NFL Comp: Tennessee Titans | Playoff Chances: 50%

If old-fashioned, heavy run football was still a thing, Team Ligma would have the best fantasy squad of all time. Team manager Alex Romero has put together a roster consisting of SEVEN running backs, potentially posturing for trades? This madman also has TEN moves on the waiver wire. Nonetheless, the strategy isn’t working as much as Romero probably would’ve hoped. Ligma find themselves in the middle of the pack through four games, but hope isn’t lost considering the weak competition in the Legends Division.

5. Frederick Kinblasters (2–2)

NFL Comp: Minnesota Vikings | Playoff Chances: 55%

Team manager Jason Kinman risked everything by drafting Christian McCaffrey at №2 overall, but as of now, the Frederick Kinblasters are poised to cause havoc across the league. The three-headed monster of McCaffrey, Tyreek Hill and Jared Goff has this team firing on all cylinders through four games. Had it not been for two close losses, the Kinblasters would be near the top of the standings. Look for Kinman and his team to blast through the rankings, so long as depth doesn’t become an issue.

4. DC MacNSneeze (3–1)

NFL Comp: Baltimore Ravens | Playoff Chances: 72%

Things are looking good for team manager Tyler Rand, who happens to be the current King of the Chumps after winning the championship last season. DC MacNSneeze are a true force so far, despite narrowly escaping two losses to start the year. Josh Allen — selected with the final pick in the first round by Rand — is playing out of his mind. He’s second in total points behind only Lamar Jackson, both averaging nearly 30 points per game. The only problem for Rand and the MacNSneeze is depth, as Allen has accounted for more than a fifth of the teams total points.

3. Tristans Big Toe (3–1)

NFL Comp: Miami Dolphins | Playoff Chances: 78%

On paper, Tristans Big Toe are arguably the best team in the league. Austin Ekeler, Deebo Samuel, Jaylen Waddle AND CeeDee Lamb? Team manager Alex Hedley went absolutely ballistic with this draft. It’s safe to say he and his team will be competing for every game this season, except for weeks nine and eleven (watch your bye weeks everybody!). This team is hot right now, though, so don’t be surprised if you see Tristans Big Toe quietly taking down some of the other top teams in the coming weeks.

2. Team Alpert

NFL Comp: Kansas City Chiefs | Playoff Chances: 75%

After holding the sixth pick in the draft, team manager Dan Alpert has assembled quite the group. Megastars like Cooper Kupp and Patrick Mahomes are paving the way through the ranks, helping Team Alpert put up an average of 137.1 points per game. Even with a few guys underperforming, they’ve scored the most points in the league through four games. However, their top running back was just placed on injured reserve, so Alpert may be lobbying for a new lead horse. Still a pretty great start to the year for the future United States president.

1. Colonel Miles Sanders (3–1)

NFL Comp: Philadelphia Eagles | Playoff Chances: 82%

Coming in at №1 are Colonel Miles Sanders, led by team manager Jon-Michael Dennis. Despite losing to the Kinblasters last week, no other team has come close to stopping this freight train. Jalen Hurts, Justin Jefferson, Nick Chubb and Amon-Ra St. Brown have all played like human cheat codes through four weeks. Dennis is so confident in his team that he only carries five bench players instead of six. That level of ballsiness can only come from an Eagles fan. Props have to be given, though, as Colonel Miles Sanders continue to take the league by storm.

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